Dear Yvonne,
What makes people attracted to one another?
—Tommy

Dear Tommy,
Studies over the years have consistently found that we tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us in socio-economic status, intelligence, background (ie., ethnicity), values (ie., religion), attractiveness, expectations, and attitudes. Even if “opposites” have an intense, initial attraction, they tend not to stay together in the long-term since people prefer and find comfort in sameness. It also makes the relationship a lot easier, for example, less conflict.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Dr. Fulbright,
How can I break out of the “Good girls don’t do that” trap and realize that if you never push your boundaries, you’ll keep having the same old sex forever?
— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Most people grow up with a lot of negative messages about sex, for example, they’re told whom to have sex with and under what circumstances. Anything outside of that recipe can be scary, guilt-ridden and wrong. At the same time, it’s titillating because we’re suddenly “bad” if we deviate.

When it comes to sex, the “good girl” versus “bad girl” labels are just that — societal labels. They’re just a negative way of capturing different degrees of one’s willingness to experiment sexually or push the sexual relations envelope. What works for one isn’t going to work for another, and what’s pleasurable for one is going to be a turn off for the next.

So it’s important to realize that we’re all sexually unique and into different things, and it is such a disservice to yourself (and your relationship) to not be at least somewhat open-minded to trying different things or find out what’s best for you. It’s perfectly healthy for people to test their boundaries with different types of sex play and adventures – and to discover what is most sexually gratifying for them. What other people put on you, like the “good girl” message, is a mere reflection of their own issues, attitudes, and discomforts with sexuality. It is not your burden to bear.

Realize, too, that avoiding the sexual rut helps people to experience new sensations, new forms of pleasure, and helps them to maintain monogamy.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

One of the fortunate—and sometimes unfortunate—aspects of human biology is that we contain within us the physiology for extraordinary pleasures.  When we are psychologically in balance, our capacity to derive enjoyment from our senses and our bodies, whether through eating or exercise or sex, enriches our lives immeasurably.  But when we face underlying turmoil or pain or unhappiness, we can use our inborn capacities for pleasure as shields against thinking and feeling our emotions—literally harnessing our brain chemical messengers and neurotransmitters like infusions of drugs.
 
Sexual addiction is one of the dark roads men and women travel in order to avoid their feelings and the complexities of their life stories.  They turn to sex to “drug” themselves and relieve deeper feelings of anxiety or depression or boredom or loneliness.  In doing so they not only deprive themselves of journeying toward a true understanding of the roots of their negative feelings, they cause a lot of collateral damage.  That damage can include shattered families, a loss of respect in the community, legal problems, financial problems and health problems.
 
Sexual addiction is also unique in that it can now be “fed” 24/7 through the Internet, which provides countless graphic images and videos that are the equivalent of a constant infusion of alcohol or heroin.  Gambling addicts at least have the rate-limiting step of their own finances as a potential brake on their dependency.  Drug addicts have to procure their substances.  But sex addicts can mainline their drug through magazines, the Web, escort services and relationships built only around physical satisfaction.
 
For these reasons, it can take a long time for sex addicts to come to terms with the fact that their addiction is harming them or others.  Most sex addicts aren’t arrested with prostitutes in hotel rooms; they’re wasting good years in one emotionally anonymous relationship after another, or wasting hours and hours on the Internet, or wasting the potential for true closeness with their children because they are driven to divorce by their needs or distracted by recruiting their next lover.  What are the signs and symptoms of sexual addiction?  Here are some to consider:

– Underlying anxiety or depression when the activity related to sex is resisted.

– A need for exposure to sexually stimulating material or relationships that overshadows the need for real emotional, interpersonal connections. A need for exposure to sexually stimulating material or relationships that overshadows the need for real emotional, interpersonal connections.

– A preoccupation with sexual fulfillment or fantasies that interferes with daily life, one’s employment or one’s marriage.

If you or someone you love has any of these symptoms, a psychiatrist or psychologist is a good place to turn for help. Remember, the fact that we have the anatomy and physiology for pleasure of many kinds means that we are, as human beings, also at risk for redirecting those healthy pleasures into pathology.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement including www.livingthetruth.com. Dr. Ablow can be emailed at info@keithablow.com.

The name Horny Goat Weed catches everybody’s attention. But behind the clever name lies a serious herb. For horny goat weed is a genuine sex-enhancer, a time-tested aphrodisiac that increases libido in men and women, and improves erectile function in men. 

Known also as Epimedium or Yin Yang Huo, horny goat weed leaves were purportedly the food of the yin yang, a mythical animal which achieved one hundred sexual climaxes a day. This legend points to the reputed sexual potency of horny goat weed, and its honored place in traditional Chinese medicine.

Used for over 2,000 years, horny goat weed is any of several species of epimedium (brevicorum, sagittatum and grandiflorum), a leafy plant which grows profusely in the wild, most abundantly at higher altitudes. The leaves of the plant contain a variety of flavonoids, polysaccharides, sterols and an alkaloid called magnaflorine. One of the flavonoids, icariin, is believed to play a role in the sex-boosting effects of the plant, which is used to restore sexual fire, boost erectile function, allay fatigue, and alleviate menopausal discomfort.

To get to the truth about horny goat weed, I travelled to Shanghai and met with six top doctors of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), including the chief physician of Shanghai’s famous Longhua hospital, a top gastroenterologist, a pharmacogonocist, a phytochemist and two other practicing medical doctors. “What do you think about epimedium?” I asked the group. “Is it truly effective as a sex-enhancer?” There were affirmative shaking of heads all around. “Oh, yes, yes.” exclaimed one. “We have all used epimedium for decades in our practices. It is the very best sexual tonic for both men and women.” I probed further. Does the plant truly help with erectile function as some claim? Two of the physicians explained that in clinical practice, they have successfully used epimedium to treat erectile problems, to boost waning libido, and to rebuild youthful sexual vitality. “It gives you back your sexual strength,” noted another with emphasis. 

With a group of Chinese medicinal plant experts including a botanist named Sheng,  we set off to see where epimedium, or horny goat weed, grows in the wild. Our destination was Tianmushan, a large mountain area in the northern corner of Zhejiang Province. As we journeyed to remote Tianmu Mountain, Sheng explained the collection of epimedium, horny goat weed. “All epimedium is picked wild, and this raises a lot of questions. The plant is very abundant. It grows all over, so there is a lot. But people ask about epimedium being over-harvested. There is nothing to worry about in that regard. As long as the roots remain in the ground, it comes up every year. We only ever pick the leaves, never the roots. Epimedium is always there. Nobody applies any chemicals to the wild plants, so it is clean and pure.”  

We parked at the base of the mountain, and set off for the summit.. With Sheng in the lead, we hiked off into dense forest, and up a rugged trail on the mountain’s steep western peak. The tropical sun beat down on us when we stepped out of the woods, and we were drenched in sweat as we made our way up the mountain. “Most of the epimedium on the mountain has already been picked this year,” Sheng informed us. “But further up near the peak we will find plenty. The pickers don’t like to climb that high. ” Further up we came to a rock ouitcropping, where we saw our first clusters of epimedium growing in the wild. “The plant likes rocks,” Shen told us.  From that point on toward the peak we found numerous clusters of epimedium. The plant proved abundant at higher elevations, and I was happy to see it for myself in its natural habitat.  

In the United States, horny goat weed has become a phenomeon. But does it work? The distinguished botanist Dr. James Duke has long insisted so. And science is backing that claim, With a human clinical study supervised by New York physician Dr. Steven Lamm and Gerald Secor Cousins. The purpose of the study was to examine the effects of an herbal complex product in which horny goat weed was the primary ingredient. The formula was tested for it effects on  sexual satisfaction in healthy male volunteers and male volunteers who use Viagra.

In the study, 25 healthy men and 13 men who used Viagra received daily doses for 45 days of the horny goat weed-based  herbal formula.  Additional doses were taken one to two hours prior to sexual activity to determine its effect on sexual interest, sexual performance, and overall sexual satisfaction. After 45 days, the double-blind phase of the study began with a placebo product and active product randomly given to healthy men who had reported a positive response in the first phase. All subjects were evaluated after the first 45 days of treatment and finally after 60 days.Results of the study showed thatdaily use of the herbal complex for a minimum of 45 days resulted in an enhancement of sexual satisfaction in 60 percent of healthy male subjects and 45 percent of men using Viagra. 

Does horny goat weed work? Considering a long history of positive use, and the study noted above, we can probably say yes. More studies should be conducted to support these conclusions.

Chris Kilham is a medicine hunter who researches natural remedies all over the world, from the Amazon to Siberia. He teaches ethnobotany at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, where he is Explorer In Residence. Chris advises herbal, cosmetic and pharmaceutical companies and is a regular guest on radio and TV programs worldwide.  His field research is largely sponsored by Naturex of Avignon, France. Read more at www.MedicineHunter.com

Dear Yvonne,
Economic studies show that since 1965, Americans have gained, not lost, leisure time—anywhere from 5 to 10 hours per week. So the excuse of not having enough time for sex isn’t really valid. Is there a way any of us can get in the mood, even when you have no motivation?
—No Name

Dear No Name,
One of the best ways to have more sex is to actually have sex. This is because sex boosts testosterone in the body, which revs up our sex drive. People have lots of excuses, many which are quite valid, for not having sex, among them: Childrearing obligations, stress, time, fatigue, etc … But at the end of the day, these excuses get abused.

People need to make lovemaking as much of a priority as anything else in their lives. They also have to be mindful of not taking their lover for granted. We need to continually woo and entice our lovers, especially in keeping things hot, desirable, and fueled. Passion can be maintained throughout a romance, no matter how little time you have. But people need to understand that this takes work.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Would you agree that it’s important for women not to worry about the way they look during sex? After all, research shows that a woman’s partner is likely paying attention to her face and body and looking for clues that she’s feeling really good, which makes him feel good, right?
— Charlie

Dear Charlie,
It’s hard for a man to gauge a woman’s sexual responsiveness. So he’s looking to her face for cues that she’s aroused, plus he’s titillating himself in seeing her “sex face” come to life. His ego goes into full gear in loving that he’s helping to make that happen for her — and he thinks it’s one of the hottest looks around. Even if a woman feels silly or is self-conscious about the way she looks, she should rest assured that he thinks she’s super sexy in that state.

Dear Yvonne,
Are men more interested in sex than women?
—Manny

Dear Manny,
Though this is the general thought, it’s not the general rule, as many women would contest. The idea that men have a stronger sex drive and more sexual interest than women is largely due to society traditionally having been more permission-giving with the male libido and pursuits. The true difference lies in when the sexes are interested in sex.

A woman’s sex drive is related to her menstrual cycle. For many women, it’s heightened during ovulation whereas for others it’s the week she’s menstruating. For males, his sex drive varies more daily versus monthly, and is dependent upon testosterone levels. A male’s testosterone levels tend to be highest in the morning.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Are green M&M’s an aphrodisiac?

— J.P.

Dear J.P.,
The only way green M&M’s will turn you on is if you truly believe that they will. Your mind is your biggest sex organ, so you have the power to make anything in this universe a turn on, including candy.

 With chocolate in general, research has found that consumption doesn’t create an arousal response. The sweet candy can, however, put you in the mood to invite such more readily. This is due to key ingredients which awaken you, boost endorphin production for a high, and that act as a natural amphetamine and antidepressant.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Hi Dr. Yvonne,
Does water act like a spermicide if you have sex in it?
Stevie

Water is not a spermicide. While chlorine makes for a hostile environment for sperm (and latex), it will not kill sperm right away. While men who spend a lot of time in hot tubs tend to have lower sperm counts, the hot water cannot be relied upon as birth control. The general rule is – in or out of water – anytime semen is emitted in the vagina or on the vulva, there is the chance of pregnancy.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Ask, and you shall receive…

Here at FOX News Health, it’s been our mission to provide you with the best health news coverage available on the Web.

Now, we’re taking that coverage a step further, with a new 30-minute weekly show, exclusively for FOXNews.com. The “Ask Dr. Manny” show will extend the lead in health coverage that you, the viewers, have helped us to achieve.

Because of your positive feedback and constant hunger for more information, we’ve combined some of our best features — and added some new ones, to bring you a dynamic show that covers all areas of health and medicine — from skincare to sex and weight loss — we’re even sharing the secrets to living a longer life!

Each week, we’ll be tackling a new topic, providing viewers with vital health information by taking a look into the lives of real people, answering your e-mails, and getting to the bottom of health news making headlines — with a little help from our resident know-it-all Dr. Cynara Coomer.

And remember, this isn’t like any old trip to the doctor — so you can count on it being fun and entertaining — but you’ll still be healthier after tuning in.

“Ask Doctor Manny” will premiere next Wednesday, September 2nd at 4 p.m. EDT on “The Strategy Room.”  Then every following Wednesday at 4 p.m. we’ll bring you a new, web-exclusive episode. 

And if you can’t catch it at its regular time — we’ve got you covered! You can check out what you’ve missed after the show airs by logging onto foxnewshealth.com. After airing on the Strategy Room every episode will be there!  Think of it as your own DVR full of vital health and medical information.

For a sneak peak at some of the highlights, click here: Ask Dr. Manny Show  …and let us know what you think by e-mailing drmanny@foxnews.com!

And as always, thanks for counting on us to keep you informed!

Thanks,
Dr. Manny