Dear Yvonne,
My boyfriend wishes I was more active in bed, but how can I do that?
-CC

Dear CC,
Take charge.  Show off your body – show off how sexual you are.

Instead of letting him lead the way, show him how it’s done. Show him how you like to be turned on, how to touch your body. Don’t be afraid to seduce him by putting on a strip show or by showing him some hot erotica you want to re-enact. Pounce on his body, and cover it with kisses, love bites and your other wet spot. During sex, take turns being on top. Literally, roll around in the hay. Get into the rhythm of the thrusting while gripping and clawing and making some noise. Be insatiable. Let him know how good he feels. Tell him what you want to do to him.

All too often, women hold back during sex, afraid to tap into their inner sex goddess. As a result, they always let their partner lead the way. Put any inhibitions aside and just go for it!   

 Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
How important is foreplay for women? Is it something that’s overblown because women, like my lady, want more attention from their guy?
-Unsigned

Dear Unsigned,
How important is foreplay? How high is the sky!?  Foreplay is VERY important for both sexes, but often emphasized among women due to the physiological fact that orgasmic response tends to function on a slower course for gals than guys. Plus, given that the brain is our most powerful sex organ, using a blend of flirtation and suggestion to prep a lady makes an excellent foundation for one’s foreplay efforts. Women can help their partners by thinking sexy thoughts in advance of sensual liaisons to “warm the engine,” especially in instances where heated, lusty quickie sex is indicated. A woman whose body and mind have not been adequately prepped for penetration and release can wind up dry, sore both inside and out, bitter and resentful. 

Honoring a female’s sexual response is vital to a healthy and fulfilling sex life!  That said, there are times when women can go 0-60 in seconds from some titillating material (read: high octane foreplay). This will vary greatly from woman to woman, just as with men, and is worth taking the time to communicate about fantasy and hot topics so you will have adequate tools in your arsenal to turn her on. Lastly, don’t forget to communicate effectively to understand what feels good, what sounds good, and what tastes good to your lady friend, as this will go a long way to a satisfied coupling and your success in the sac.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My girlfriend and I have had sex a few times and it seems every time we do it missionary-style, the condom breaks. Is this common or is there some way to prevent this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
-Marshall

Dear Marshall,
Condoms can break for any of the following reasons: They’re not being used correctly; they were manufactured improperly, they’re past their expiration date or were damaged after manufacture. In most cases, breakage is due to human error, especially incorrect use, like not leaving a half-inch of space to collect semen at the tip or unrolling a condom the wrong way. Given this is a regular occurrence, it’s likely that your condom breakage woes have more to do with the way this prophylactic is being put on versus any manufacturing problem. 

To correctly put a condom on, do the following after checking the expiration date:
1.   Make sure the condom is right side out.

2.   Pinch an inch at the tip, especially if you’re not using a reservoir-tip condom, so that the semen can be collected.

3.  If you’re uncircumcised, pull back the foreskin before unrolling the condom on.

4.  Smooth the condom over your shaft to get rid of any air bubbles that can cause your condom to break.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Please help me find classy porn that my wife will also enjoy. I can’t seem to find it and my wife is showing interest in the idea.
- Alan

Dear Alan,
Typically, “classy” and “porn” don’t go in the same sentence. If you’re looking for something erotic, but still maintains a bit of class, you might do better renting racy European flicks that push the envelope with nudity, sex and other sensual acts. If you and/or your wife are set on porn, however, you may want to consider those geared toward female interests. There are a couple of major resources to look into. First, Candida Royalle’s sensually explicit “Femme Productions” flicks are geared specifically at women. Royalle describes her videos as involving more story line, good original music and more real characters of all ages. They’re also less graphic than traditional, male-oriented porn flicks. Also, Tristan Taormino recently released a line of female-oriented, sex educational videos through Vivid Entertainment’s Vivid-Ed line, sure to give you and your wife tons of pleasure-play ideas.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear  Yvonne,
Occasionally, my lover and I will have an entire hour or two for sex. We don’t feel like making love, though, we feel as if we’re on ‘autopilot.’ How can we keep things spicy and stay connected without feeling robotic or just going through the moves?
- Jude

Dear Jude,
What I’d recommend is taking a couples’ yoga class together as a form of foreplay. This provides a different way of becoming intimate and getting to know your partner’s body. Adjusting each other’s bodies, getting pressed together at times, and seeing each other in a new light, while helping your bodies to unwind and feel good, can heighten the desire to make love.  Exercise is often considered an aphrodisiac.

If this can’t happen in an hour, you can practice your own yoga moves at home as a warm up to greater (spiritual) union. Such an interaction also helps to expand the idea of what sex is about and helps to make it an entire body experience instead of one with a “going through the moves” genital-focus. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I am a 35-year-old woman. When I was a teenager, I had gotten on top of my boyfriend during sex and was told I was a maniac. Twenty years later and I still won’t get on top. It has been so long now that I don’t know how to get past it in my head. I now want to perform, but my brain will not allow me to feel comfortable. What can I do?  I’m dying to get on top and climax!!
                      - Lizzie

Dear Lizzie,
You should get on top!! Don’t let some comment from a bonehead teen boy deter you from realizing your pleasure potential! Chances are, he meant it as a compliment. Being a maniac in bed is usually construed as a good thing from the male perspective. It means that you’re active, into the moment, enjoying yourself, letting go of your inhibitions and ‘going crazy!’ Wild abandon is a good bedroom addition from time to time, so leave your fears at the door, and saddle up!

Believe it or not, woman-on-top is one of the best positions for ladies. Female dominant sex puts us in charge of our pleasuring, ups the chances of orgasm(s), and makes us the star of the show. Many partners love seeing their lover riding high, and this position results in mutual climax more than any other. Sure, it can be intimidating to get on top, but don’t allow yourself to miss out on another minute of hot girl in charge sex play!

Just be sure to let your partner know how you feel, and ask for your lover’s encouragement and support during your ride. A good lover will be there for you, letting you know that everything is great, everything feels good, and you are all s/he’ll need when you’re in that position. I’m quite certain your high school sweetheart is probably, to this day, drooling over the thought of his hot little temptress, not cowering in disdain. So, get on top - you owe it to yourself!

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Dr. Yvonne,
I am having an issue – basically a foot fetish - where I have a desire to give a sexy lady a foot rub and suck her toe in a building urge to do oral on her. Unfortunately, my wife’s feet sometimes smell and they’re in rough shape, for example, she has calluses. I love my wife with all my heart and soul and do not want to ruin our marriage - nor do I know how to tell her of both my issues -  and hers.
 - Horace

Dear Horace,
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and enjoyable sex life. As such, be it via letter, counselor or face-to-face, it’s time you let your wife in on your secret fetish for feet. Perhaps she is simply unaware that you have an interest, thus she doesn’t dote on her feet as she should. Chances are that if you reveal your secret yearnings as you did in this letter, your wife might treat herself to a pedicure. Better yet, you should treat her to one.

Other ways of taking care of the foot issues… incorporate a footbath as part of foreplay. Take to the shower or bath before you play footsie. Basically, use any mean you can to clean her up before indulging. She’s likely to love this type of worship. Alternatively, you could come clean in telling her she needs to clean up a little bit. It’s hard to deliver this kind of tip without offending, but if you can frame it as better for her ultimate pleasuring and good, she may listen. Let her know that you want her and long to be more intimate with her, but that you’ve noticed this smell. While she may be upset, many people would rather know they have an issue than be in the dark about it.

The fabric of marriage and adult relationships is honesty and exposure. Fear is a natural part of revealing and becoming vulnerable, and a necessary component of intimacy, which we all know enhances sexual and sensual enjoyment for both sexes. Give your wife a chance, and set your foot fetish free!

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What kinds of objects, besides sex toys, do people use to bring themselves to climax? I’m up for some ideas!
-Danny

Dear Danny,
While many people use sex toys during masturbation, some get a little more creative than others when it comes to those “handy” items found around the house.  In its yearly sex survey, the Portland Mercury reported that respondents used the following for self-pleasuring: warm cantaloupe, a Sharpie, a condom-covered cucumber, a water weenie, their sister’s panties, a plunger, bologna, a vibrating pen, uncooked beef frank, a James Bond VHS tape, a beer cozy, a carrot, GI Joe, a leather glove, spa jets, a handle of a safety razor, Hello Kitty, and a vibrating toothbrush.

Regardless of what you use, make sure that it’s clean and that it won’t cause you harm, for example, it’s not made out of glass, would not cause splinters, and/or does not leave unsavory residue in your orifices or breaks off in them. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear  Yvonne,

I have a question regarding an “issue” and I want to know if you can give me some advice. I am having trouble staying fully erect after I put a condom on. What are the reasons this keeps happening? I have tried different types of condoms and it still hasn’t worked.
                    - Jeb

Dear Jeb,
Many men have found themselves in your shoes. And while condoms can significantly reduce tactile stimulation, they’re often not the sole problem at hand. This reaction is usually a symptom of one. An erection can topple for physical reasons, for example, a change in rhythm and stimulation being ceased, to more psychological/emotional ones, like a male’s fear, guilt, stress, or anxiety over staying hard. The quality of the relationship and the couple’s experience together can also play into a man staying hard since comfortability is key in putting on a good show.

In solving your dilemma, first, raise the requirement for more friction-focused pleasure and make sure that your partner is still touching you and trying to turn you on with touches and kisses as the condom is going on. This could be especially effective as your lover actually puts the condom on you, for example, orally. Furthermore, flesh on flesh makes for a more ready stimulus, so take care to utilize the non-exposed hot zones to heighten your sensual pleasure.

Second, while you’ve experimented with different types of condoms, try using different sizes. A condom that is too small, for example, can result in blood flow issues and some discomfort, so be sure to use a size appropriate rubber on your member. 

Third, practice condom use while masturbating, as this can help you to feel more confident when you’re in the actual situation. Lastly, don’t be afraid to step away from having sex itself and simply reconnecting with your partner. Taking the focus off of sex can help you to feel more relaxed, taking pressure off of any need to stay up. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
How can a guy tell if he’s just crushing on a well-performing co-worker versus really liking her because the other company at work is pretty lousy?
-Allen

Dear Allen, 
What makes this a tough issue is that a man has to sort through if he really likes the woman or if he really likes that she’s his co-worker. When she performs well in the workplace, it can only make him wonder how she’ll perform in the sack. And if she’s dependable, good at what she does, and great company, a man will naturally have some affection for her. Most of us like people with such qualities. Furthermore, as we get to know somebody and find out that we have a lot in common, we tend to like them more - and when you share the same workplace, you share a lot of the same experiences, which further fosters bonding.

Many people find their mate through work because it involves access to others and requires spending a great deal of time together – basically plenty of opportunity. In keeping himself in check, a man has to evaluate if he’s daydreaming about a co-worker on his own free time (versus simply looking forward to seeing her as he’s en route to the office), if he’s making excuses to work with her, for example wanting to stay late to get a project done, or simply spending time with her because she’s his favorite co-worker. One thing he can ask himself is how he’s reacting to women outside of the workplace. If he finds others more interesting, then it’s likely that he’s not crushing on his co-worker as much as he thinks. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”