Dear Dr. Fulbright,
How can I break out of the “Good girls don’t do that” trap and realize that if you never push your boundaries, you’ll keep having the same old sex forever?
— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Most people grow up with a lot of negative messages about sex, for example, they’re told whom to have sex with and under what circumstances. Anything outside of that recipe can be scary, guilt-ridden and wrong. At the same time, it’s titillating because we’re suddenly “bad” if we deviate.

When it comes to sex, the “good girl” versus “bad girl” labels are just that — societal labels. They’re just a negative way of capturing different degrees of one’s willingness to experiment sexually or push the sexual relations envelope. What works for one isn’t going to work for another, and what’s pleasurable for one is going to be a turn off for the next.

So it’s important to realize that we’re all sexually unique and into different things, and it is such a disservice to yourself (and your relationship) to not be at least somewhat open-minded to trying different things or find out what’s best for you. It’s perfectly healthy for people to test their boundaries with different types of sex play and adventures – and to discover what is most sexually gratifying for them. What other people put on you, like the “good girl” message, is a mere reflection of their own issues, attitudes, and discomforts with sexuality. It is not your burden to bear.

Realize, too, that avoiding the sexual rut helps people to experience new sensations, new forms of pleasure, and helps them to maintain monogamy.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Great leaders and great political movements have a lot in common with the finest therapists and best psychotherapy: 
 
1)   They are relentlessly courageous about exploring that which might otherwise remain under cover—that which might otherwise be accepted as true without real inspection and understanding. 
 
2)   They practice a kind of quiet and reflective, yet insistent and intellectually piercing non-cooperation with liars and lies.
 
3)   They are colorblind and blind to socioeconomic status.  They see people as individuals with worthy thoughts and rich life stories, regardless of whether they are black or white, penniless or affluent.
 
4)   They are non-violent, whenever any alternative exists, which it almost always does.
 
The high ground in the health care debate and the debate over whether we remain a capitalistic society or a socialistic one will be taken and held by that group that adopts these four principles. 

Presently, I believe that the opponents of massive, unexamined changes in the health care system, a reduced level of autonomy as citizens and a powerful parental role for government in private industry and private affairs occupy that ground. Oddly and surprisingly, it is this group—the vocal opposition in town halls and at tea parties, the relatively well-heeled and well-healed group that activists have labeled insensitive in the past—that is exposing the limits of the present system to remain open to every idea and give every man and woman a fair hearing (not just those who claim to be disadvantaged or disenfranchised).  It is this group that is being met with walls that urge them to just wait and see, or just shut up, or just go away. 
 
So it is time to be doubly sure that the vocal opposition remains the loyal opposition. 
 
It is time to be triply sure that the opposition remains non-violent. 
 
The right to bear arms, which will also be under assault soon enough, should be held dear and married to the greatest reticence imaginable to use them. 
 
We are all learning together that the tools of change that once opened doors to minorities and to disempowered and worthy peoples all over the world are the very same tools that can keep in place the worthy structural beams upon which our great society was built. 
 
If leaders turn out to be reluctant listeners, protesters should speak in greater numbers, in more places, with more clarity and creativity and insistence, but never with hatred and never with fists clenched or one hand on a stick.  Let the frustrated purveyors of falsehoods and enemies of freedom use those tactics.  They always fail.
 
The psycho-political lessons learned from those shut out of the system must now be adopted to save the system.
 
There’s something elegant and inevitable about that.  The truth always wins—in public policy and in therapy.

Today we heard of a shooting at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. that appears to be the work of a single gunman, whom authorities believe to be a man in his late 80s by the name of James Von Brunn. If this is the suspect in custody, he is actually a World War II veteran and vocal member of the Holy Western Empire, which at this point, seems to be a white supremacy group.

It is sad to see people resorting to violence to settle their differences. And we have to be aware that we still need to be vigilant in our efforts to protect ourselves — despite the feeling of some Americans that security measures in this country have become too intrusive. It’s important to support our men and women in uniform, who at both the local and national levels, do a terrific job of keeping our country safe.

What this man did was an act of terrorism — domestic terrorism.

But the big question is: What’s the psychological profile of this shooter? If you look at some of the psychological profiles of past shooters, they are all different in their own way. However, there always seem to be some common themes.

Most of these people are angry at someone or a group of people, and share a psychotic belief that their misfortunes are predicated on the actions of those they hate.

Usually they are loners — they feel rejected by others or by society as a whole.

For some, substance abuse and depression are common themes, but even knowing these common themes, it is almost impossible to differentiate between who will just withdraw from society and who has the potential to snap and hurt innocent people.

I pray for those hurt in this tragedy and hope that we are able to create systems that could perhaps better identify high-risk people and prevent future tragedies from occurring.

Dear Yvonne,
What does it mean to be a “trisexual?”
—Horace

Dear Horace,
Labeling yourself “trisexual” can mean one of two things:
1. You’re willing to “try” anything sexual.
2. You’re not limited to being sexually intimate with males and females, but people who may identify as another gender. (While our society largely recognizes two genders, other cultures have been known to recognize a third or even fourth gender).

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What do men find sexy in a woman? Is there any statistical evidence — for example, is it something like 20 percent of sexiness is down to looks, 10 percent is a sense of humor and 5 percent is confidence?
—Raegan

We as humans believe that others will have a higher opinion of us if we have a good-looking partner. While it’s harsh, in the dating game, this is more so in the case of a female’s “worth.”  People tend to want the pretty or handsome partner because we’re aware of the high value society places on physical attractiveness, and we are motivated by this social concern.

From an evolutionary perspective, good-looking equals “good breeding,” thus humans are motivated to find a mate with good genes. Genetic desirability is most often indicated in the forms of youth, good health, and symmetry. While the weight of different desirability traits vary per survey, men desire a lot of the same qualities in a mate that women do ― smarts, a sense of humor, and personality. They generally like femininity, preferring partners who are younger, of average intelligence, and with longer versus short hair. In general, though, men are a little more lax than ladies when it comes to finding a mate.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”