Teachers, like most people, have a reputation in your community. This teacher is “the nice one” and that teacher is “the structured one.” Depending on your child’s personality, talents and challenges, you decide that your child absolutely must have “this teacher” in order to be successful.  When your child gets assigned to “that teacher’s” class, you fret and worry about how he or she will ever survive the year. Parent-teacher conferences role around at the end of October, and you are now sitting face to face with the person who will lead your child on this leg of her educational marathon. 

The most important thing to remember when going into your child’s conference is to suspend your preconceived notions and go to the meeting with an open mind. You may see a different side to the teacher or find that he or she is not  “the mean one” after all.  Listen to what she has to say and be receptive to her educational opinion on your child’s class work.

In addition to coming into the meeting with an open mind, here are some other tips for having a productive parent teacher conference this fall.

Prepare questions
Come prepared with specific questions. Make a list and leave space to take notes on the teacher’s response.  Keep in mind that most conferences have a time limit- typically about ten minutes- so narrow down your list to the most important three or four questions. It is better to spend time discussing three or four questions in depth than to rush through ten questions.

Stay on topic
The upcoming 3rd grade holiday party may pop into your head while speaking with the teacher but this is not the time to talk about it. Make a column on your notes for “Questions for Tomorrow.” Write a note or an email to the teacher with that list of questions the next day. Start the email thanking her for the conference and let her know you didn’t want to waste valuable conference time on “housekeeping” issues.

Only talk about your child
Now is not the time to clear the air about playground quarrels or disagreements between the class mothers. It is simply inappropriate to discuss your child’s classmates with the teacher.  The teacher does not want to referee or be involved in any way with these types of discussions. Putting her in that position will leave her feeling uncomfortable and the more you bash others when speaking with the teacher, the less she will want to communicate with you.

Ask for homework
Ask the teacher for one or two things that you can spend time working on at home.  Every student has a skill or an area that could use some extra reinforcement.  Teaches know that you don’t have a degree in education so be comfortable asking for specific ways you can support your child at home. Ask for strategies or techniques to use and follow up in a few weeks to let her know how it’s going.

Save your marital problems for a counselor
Do not let your personal relationship issues rear their ugly head during the conference.  It is not uncommon for spouses to disagree on parenting techniques, but now is not the time to discuss your differences. Be careful not to let “I agree with you but he doesn’t think so” slip out either. You must maintain your composure during conferences, even if you and your spouse are in the midst of an argument. Many teachers have been put in the middle of disagreements between spouses and it makes for an awkward situation. Remember, this is your child’s teacher and she has no place mediating for you and your spouse.

Parents are usually eager to have the teacher’s attention during conferences and teachers look forward to the opportunity to keep parents informed about their child’s progress. If you feel your conversation needs to go beyond the brief conference, ask the teacher for a follow up meeting or phone conference later in the week.

Remember to keep an open mind when meeting your child’s teacher. Some of the most amazing educators feel a lot of pressure during conferences and therefore have trouble sharing their knowledge and insight with parents in this format. Do not interrupt the teacher or finish her thoughts. Let her get her point across and then respond.

Always thank the teacher for her time and her work, even if you disagree with her opinions or techniques. “Thank you for your time” shows that you respect her position and are willing to have a positive relationship that will ultimately benefit your child.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

All parents are looking for ways to maximize their children’s educational experience. As a parent of a child with special needs, you are likely focused on more than academics. You have probably met with speech, occupational, and physical therapists, classroom teachers, and behavior specialists. They have given you advice on how to work with your child and areas you can target at home. All this advice is great but can be overwhelming. Now your child’s teacher tells you she will be attending a mainstream class with 25 peers and you’re not sure where to shift your focus. These tips will help you support your child at home as she begins her new experience at school.

Academics
Read, read, and read some more! Reading is the most important area you can work on because your child needs to read in a number of situations. Speak with your child’s teacher about his reading level and materials and strategies you can use at home. He may be working on a specific book or program. He may use a shield so he can focus on one line at a time. Make sure you know what he has done at school to avoid confusion. Many parents find it difficult to maintain their child’s focus because reading is a challenging area but it is crucial to make reading fun. Words are everywhere! Have your child read signs and posters when out in the community. Take turns reading every other page in a book before bed. Ask him to read labels on snacks. When he reads, praise him! Offer a special reward for reading, something he only gets after reading with you. Motivation is important to keep him working on an area that can be very frustrating.

Organization
Organizing herself and her belongings is an important piece of attending a mainstream class. Your child needs to organize her materials in her backpack and desk, on top of her desk while she works, and while moving throughout the hallway and class. The pace of a mainstream class is fast and being prepared will help your child maintain the pace with her peers. Have her carry items in the grocery store and help her organize them in her arms so she doesn’t drop them. Help her organize her backpack before school and adjust items so they all fit. When doing homework, make sure she folds her notebook back and exposes only the page she is writing on. Being able to organize her items will allow her to focus on the lesson and social interactions in class.

Independence
The less your child needs an adult to prompt him, the more seamless his experience will be in the mainstream. Start fostering independence in activities such as packing up his backpack, self-care skills, and eating. Make sure he can open his own juice box, snack bags, and lunch box. Make sure he retrieves and cleans up all materials during meal time and work time. The less he needs an adult to help him, the easier it will be for him to participate in class activities.

Socialization
Borrow siblings, neighbors, and friends’ children! Practice playing games, taking turns, and sharing toys and materials.  You may want to explain to the peer models you are using that your child is still learning how to do each of these things. Tell them “Everyone has things they are good at and things they are still learning how to do. Henry knows a lot about animals and he is learning how to make friends.” They don’t need any more information that that and sometimes acknowledging your child needs help will help them understand their role.

Preparing your child for an experience in the mainstream class can seem overwhelming; there are so many nuances that can’t be taught. Following these guidelines will give your child more than academic skills- it will make them a more confident, independent learner. The less your child has to worry about the “small stuff” the more time she has for academic instruction and establishing connections in the mainstream setting.

Continue to communicate with the classroom teacher regarding her progress in the mainstream setting. Let the teacher know you would like to reinforce skills taught at school in the home. As always, open and continuous communication will ultimately benefit your child, especially as she takes this big leap into a new setting.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

With estimates of 30 to 40 million children participating in organized youth sports in the U.S., you will likely be attending your fair share of athletic events this fall. You know you have to drive your child to and from practice and make sure his or her jersey is washed for game day, but your support of your student athlete goes far beyond that. From proper nutrition to early bed times, you are a key factor in your child’s athletic success.

In addition to the physical support you offer your child, your emotional support is important as well. Student athletes are faced with a number of issues such as the question to use performance enhancing drugs, maintaining good grades, and being a productive member of a cohesive team. There are a number of things you can do to guide your child to make sound decisions as a student athlete this year.

Support the Balancing Act
As your child gets older and her sport gets more competitive, the time spent involved in that sport increases. Practices are usually every day after school or in the evening and often on the weekend as well. Some sports, such as hockey, practice in the mornings before school because of limited availability of practice facilities.

In addition to the hours spent on the field, your child needs to maintain the hours spent in the books. Creating a schedule for your child will help her find time for both school and sports. Write all practices and games on a calendar in a common area of the house. Encourage her to map out her week by writing important homework assignments or tests on the calendar so she gives herself enough time to study.

It’s easy for families to procrastinate long-term projects and class assignments after a long day at work, school and practice. Remember that studying a little bit each night, even when she is tired, will benefit your child in the long run. Be wise about how you spend what little down time you have. This may mean saying no to weekend parties or gatherings in order to give your student athlete some rest. School always comes first and many athletic programs have rules regarding minimum grades in order to participate in sports. Discuss the school’s policy with your child and communicate with her teachers to make sure she is maintaining her grades. If her grades drop, you need to re-evaluate her participation on the team.

Be a Good Sport
There has been lots of press on this topic and you may think you already show good sportsmanship while watching your child’s game. Keep in mind that your child hears everything- even things you think you said under your breath. Stay positive- even if your team is losing or another athlete makes an error on the field. Be the first to yell “That’s OK, Johnny. Here we go, bears!” Set the tone for the team and for other parents by helping your athlete shake off a mistake and get back in the game. This also applies to the car ride home after the game. If your child is upset about losing or making a mistake, remind him that any team can win on any day. It’s certainly acceptable for your child to want to better his skills, but focusing completely on the negative or being angry with others is not a productive way to grow as an athlete.

Communicate With the Coach
There may be times when you disagree with the coach’s decision or a play he called. It is not your place to call the coach after every game to recap the play-by-play. If there is a situation that is on-going, such as a teammate targeting your child or your child not getting any playing time, approach the coach in a calm fashion at an appropriate time. Ask to schedule a meeting with the coach and let him know what you want to discuss. Approach the coach in a respectful manner and ask for his opinion. You can certainly ask what you can do to support your athlete at home, particularly if the issue is your child’s skills. Show the coach, and your child, that you want to be part of the team that supports the team! It is also important that your child communicates with the coach. If there is a conflict with the schedule or your child has a question about the team, encourage him to approach the coach himself. This shows his maturity and desire to make the most of his experience on the team.

Encourage Off-Season Workouts
It is important for all children to engage in healthy activities. It is necessary for student athletes to maintain their strength and skills in the off-season to avoid injury when they return to their sport. Make fresh fruits, vegetables, and healthy protein a part of every meal. Most schools have a weight room that your child can take advantage of for free. Private instructors are available for most sports and some offer small group discounts. Check with your child’s friends about taking semi-private lessons to enhance skills in the off-season. Encourage healthy habits by limiting TV time and making family walks or pick-up games routine.

Be a Cheerleader
Be a visible supporter of your student athlete by attending as many games as possible. Seeing your face in the stands and hearing you yell her name will make your athlete feel really good. If work prevents you from being there, try and get a video of the game from the coach or another parent. Watch the game with your child and cheer her on- even if you know the final score. Your support means the world to your child and whether she is the star athlete or warming the bench, she will appreciate you cheering her on. You can also show your support by participating in fundraising events and other team activities. Many sports have a tradition of having a pasta dinner before a big game. Offer to host a dinner or contribute something to the meal.

The most important thing for you and your student athlete to remember is that participating in a sport should be enjoyable. Of course there are times of disappointment or discouragement, but your child’s overall experience should be positive. You are your child’s first and best teacher so supporting him through something he is passionate about will help him in all areas of his life.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

For many parents across the country, this fall will be their first time sending a child to school. Early childhood education has evolved, and educators and researchers are looking at this first introduction to formalized education as a crucial time for students.

There is more direct instruction in math, reading and writing, with schools utilizing a detailed curriculum to address skills. Story time now accompanies formal reading instruction. In some schools, play time may now even accompany formal social skills lessons. Although September seems far away, now is the time to start preparing your child for his or her first school experience.

Here are some simple and fun ways to get your child ready for preschool and kindergarten:

Preschool

Reading
Read to your child every day. Exposing your child to a variety of age-appropriate books will foster a natural love of reading and curiosity about words. Don’t worry about teaching phonics or decoding skills — the ABC song will suffice for now. Children will often ask what a word or sentence says. Feel free to tell him, but do not press him to repeat or try to sound out words. Keep in mind that at this age your child should have a natural excitement about words and should not feel he is being “tested’ when enjoying a good book!  

Teach your child to recognize her name. You can make a special sign for her bedroom door or write her name in the cover of her books. Learning names and common words (such as store names) is a first step in recognizing and pronouncing letters and sounds.

Math
Count objects while playing with your child. Use his blocks, books, or other toys and model one-to-one correspondence. Counting “one, two, three blocks!” naturally introduces this important math skill to your child.

Expose your child to basic shapes. When reading or watching a TV show, point out circles, squares, or triangles. Many TV shows targeting the preschool-age child highlight these shapes as well as rectangles, hearts, and diamonds. It is very easy to find these shapes in the environment and you can create a scavenger hunt with your child to locate these common shapes in the environment.

Social Skills
Schedule play dates or spend time playing at the park. Sharing, turn-taking, and waiting are all skills your child will need to enjoy a positive social experience in preschool and may be practiced when engaging with peers.

Develop a daily schedule and stick with it. Keep in mind your soon-to-be preschooler likely needs 10-12 hours of sleep a night, so get him to bed on time at night. Wake him in the morning, have breakfast, and get dressed even if you are not planning to leave the house right away. These morning activities are clear ways to signify the start of the day for your child.

Check with your child’s preschool in regards to its rules on potty training Many schools require children to be potty-trained before starting in September. If your child is not yet fully trained, you have plenty of time this summer to work on it!

Kindergarten

Reading
Help your child practice writing his name, especially if he has shown an interest in it. Have him write the first letter then you can write the other letters. You can also write his name first then have him trace it. Keep in mind constant practice or repetitions may discourage your child and frustrate him, ultimately delaying his acquisition of this skill. Make it fun and only practice if your child shows interest.

Point out words that start with the letter of her first name. Although she may not be aware of it, she knows the sound that letter makes and it will be easier for her to associate items with a sound she already knows. Say “Grace, do you want grapes for snack? Grapes sounds like Grace!” See if your child can think of another word that starts with the same sound. If she has trouble, provide an example so she does not get discouraged and the game continues to be fun!

Math
Ask your child to retrieve various quantities of items for you. Have him help you set the table for dinner and ask “Please get four napkins.” This is a fun and easy way to practice counting, a skill that will be targeted throughout Kindergarten.

Model sorting items for your child then ask her to practice. While playing, say “I’m putting all the cows over here and the pigs over here.” Then ask your child to put all the chickens together, and so on. Grouping or sorting is an important pre-math skill for your child to attain.

Social Skills
Maintain a schedule. If your child just finished preschool, he is likely used to a routine that involves getting up in the morning and getting ready for school. Maintain a similar schedule this summer so back-to-school time doesn’t involve early morning chaos!

Give your child orally-presented directions. For example, tell your child “Get the blue block and give it to Daddy.” Having your child follow one and two step directions prepares her to process language as well as comply with known instructions, skills necessary for kindergarten.

When playing with peers or siblings, ensure your child is taking turns with toys and games. Your child could be in a class of 20 children come September and will have to take turns with materials and toys every day. Preparing him to wait will make it easier for him in his class in the fall.

The most important thing you can do to prepare your child for school is to make learning a fun and natural family activity. Drills and repetitious practice of skills at this age may develop stress and fear of school in your child. Introducing simple math, reading, and social skills to your child will get him started on the path to success!

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Most adults remember being bullied or witnessing bullying during their school days. Most current students cite the same experience, but how bullying is being handled has changed.

Bullying has become a top priority for schools across the country, and many are working hard to prevent it. Bullying is the repeated imposition of power from one child to another and can include verbal threats or insults, physical threats or abuse, or non-verbal threats or abuse, such as spreading rumors about another child. It’s important to know that this can take place in person or via the internet, such as through social networking sites. 

Boys and girls typically bully differently. Boys typically resort to more physical methods, while girls typically utilize verbal strategies, although it is not uncommon for each group to use other approaches. Signs your child is being bullied include becoming quiet or withdrawn, frequent trips to the nurse’s office, refusal to go to school, and withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities, such as teams or social groups. Acting out is not typically associated with children who are being bullied. As a parent, knowing your child is being targeted is one of the most painful and difficult things you can encounter.

Here are some tips to help guide your child through this complicated time:

Be supportive.
Listen to your child as he shares his experience and feelings about being bullied. Praise him for speaking about the situation, especially if he was brave enough to approach you without prompting. Children who are bullied are often afraid to report their situations for fear of retribution for “tattling.” By opening up, he has begun the process of ending the bullying and should be reinforced for doing so.

Build confidence.
Find activities that build your child’s confidence and occupy her time. Individual sports, such as karate or swimming, may be best to start with as your child may worry about becoming a part of a team and opening herself to more uncomfortable social situations.

Contact your child’s school.
Even if the bullying has not taken place on school grounds, it is important that staff is aware of the relationship between your child and the person or people who are intimidating him. Many schools have videos or books on bullying that they can share with you and your child. You can also establish a safe place for your child to go if he feels he is being threatened, such as the principal’s office or the guidance counselor’s office.

Use the buddy system.
Encourage your child to seek one or two safe friends at school and stick with them, especially during times bullying is most likely to occur, such as recess and traveling to and from school. Establish relationships with the parents of your child’s friends and make them aware of the situation.  If bullying typically occurs during the trips to and from school, drive your child or ask a neighbor or friend to do so. Although this step alone may not end the bullying, it provides your child with a bit more security and safety.

Stay involved.
Have access to your children’s email and social networking accounts so you can monitor their activity. Your child could be bullied while sitting right in your living room. Knowing your child’s circle of friends will also help you monitor appropriate or inappropriate relationships, and will help you keep track of friendships that are deteriorating. You can broach the subject by saying “I notice you are not hanging out with (name) much anymore. Why is that?”  If your child does not give you a direct reason, there may be more to the story.

Many professionals frown upon advising children to ignore the bullying, as it sends the message that adults will ignore it too. If you are still unsure of what to say to your child and feel you need more extensive support, seek the help of a health care professional, such as a psychologist or social worker.

Bullying is not just “kids being kids.” It is hurtful, unhealthy, and has the potential to cause long-term emotional and physical damage. Being informed and involved may save your child from this painful situation.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Communicating with your children can be a daunting task, whether you are trying to impart morals and values on them or simply trying to get information about the date of the school concert. One parent says she feels “like we speak different languages!” The most common complaint from parents about communicating with their children? Asking “How was school?” and getting “Good” in return. If you’re laughing because you’ve had that interaction before, use these tips for opening up the lines of communication between you and your child.

Spend time together every day
This may mean sitting together for dinner, watching a TV show together, or saying a prayer as a family before bedtime. Any time your child feels connected to the whole family his feelings of trust and security are strengthened. Time spent traveling in the car doesn’t count! Although we are all very busy, find a few moments to sit face to face with your family and talk about the day’s events.

Schedule individual time
Scheduling “Mom and Child” or “Dad and Child” time allows your more reserved child an opportunity to open up. It gives you a chance to really attend to your child’s body language and facial expressions, which can often relay more than just her words can. Scheduling one on one time shows that you value your child’s individuality and are willing to take time out to give her your undivided attention.

Stay current
You don’t need to watch Saturday morning cartoons each week or lock the radio on the pop station you dislike, but keep in touch with your child’s interests in music, television, and fashion. The less you know about your child’s day-to-day activities, the more distant a figure you are for him. This also gives you an opportunity to monitor the appropriateness of what they are viewing and may lead to more discussions. Remember to give him some personal freedom- hovering can drive children to become more withdrawn.

Share your problems
For example, say you made plans to go to a movie with one friend but forgot and made plans to go for coffee with another friend the same day. Ask your child to help you problem solve. Who should you reschedule with and what should you say? Never give specific examples or use names; we know children have trouble keeping secrets and you don’t want your business all over town. You can also share problems you had when you were a child. This shows your child that everyone has decisions they struggle with and makes you more relatable in their eyes.

Keep a diary
Have a journal in which you and your child can write notes to each other. You can have a special hiding spot so only the two of you know where it is. This prevents the temptation for siblings to sneak information that was not meant to be shared. You can write happy thoughts like “I thought about our last vacation today” or questions like “How are you feeling about Friday’s math test?” This gives your child the chance to think about her response or ask difficult questions she may not want to ask in person.

Whenever opening a conversation with your child ask specific questions, such as “What was your least favorite thing you did at school today?” or “Tell me one friend you played with today.” A lot of things happened at school today; asking for one detail allows your child to recall a specific event and may allow the conversation to expand.

Having open communication does not mean you are your child’s friend. You are still the parent and you still have to discipline when they make poor choices. The idea is that open communication offers your children the opportunity to share their problems with you and look to you as someone who can help them make good decisions.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.