Four times a year, parents across America get feedback on their child’s academic performance and it’s not always good news. Report cards can produce anxiety and stress for parents who want to help their children but aren’t sure how to do so. Keep in mind that a poor report card also produces anxiety and stress in your child, although these emotions may manifest differently in your child. A child who says he doesn’t care about his grades could be upset about doing poorly or lacking in self confidence. The same goes for children who act out when confronted about poor grades. No one wants to do poorly in school, but many are unsure of how to do well.

It is important to note that a bad report card can mean different things for different children. One child may maintain a certain average, then suddenly dip below that mark. Another child may earn grades that are low across the board. Whether this is your child’s first poor report card or fifth, you can do something about it and help your child take steps toward success.

If your child comes home with a poor report card, follow these three steps to getting him back on track and on his way to a more positive learning experience.

Stay calm
You’re obviously upset but bringing those feelings to the table will undoubtedly produce anxiety in your child. Your child knows his grades are poor so you don’t need to state the obvious. Taking the emotion out of your interaction provides a neutral platform for you and your child to discuss the changes that need to be made in order to improve her grades. Avoid phrases like “I’m disappointed in you,” “You need to try harder,” or accusatory statements like “How many tests did you fail?” These statements are sure to produce anxiety or anger in your child and will inhibit her ability to communicate with you. Say “Tell me about Math class” instead. Approach your child when you have time to sit down and talk. We are all cranky when we are hungry, thirsty, or tired so keep that in mind when choosing a time to talk. Inviting your child to share a cup of tea or a snack is a comfortable arena in which to address the report card. Maintain your cool throughout the conversation, even if your child raises her voice.

Speak to the teacher
Parent-teacher conferences are typically scheduled around the time report cards are handed out. If your child’s school isn’t offering one, ask for one. Send the teacher a list of questions before the meeting so she can have answers for you at the meeting and possibly show you work samples. Approach the teacher calmly and ask for specifics about work your child may be missing, poor test scores, or areas of concern. Look at the breakdown of grades and the percentages your child earned for homework, classwork, participation, and tests. Ask for strategies that are being used in the classroom to support your child as well as strategies you can use at home. Neither the school nor the family can turn around a poor report card alone- it is a team effort. Ask to follow up with the teacher about two weeks after the initial conference to see if your child is showing improvement.

Establish your next step
Parents sometimes take the “wait and see” approach, especially since this is the first report card of the year. This approach never works, since we know that once a habit is established it is hard to break. Your next step may be following through with the teacher’s suggestions. You may also consider hiring a tutor or going to a learning center to seek extra support or new strategies for your child. Another option is to ask a neighbor, friend, or older family member to help with homework. Finding someone to tutor who has a strength where your child experiences a challenge could be a good match. Consider asking a teenage cousin or neighbor to help younger children a few days a week. Younger children often look up to older children so having a positive influence while doing homework may help motivate your child. If you do choose to have someone else work with your child, make sure you communicate specifics about your child’s strengths and challenges and strategies the teacher has already used or suggested.

It is important to remind your child that she is in control of her grades. She was not given poor grades; she earned them. Fortunately, this means she is in control of bringing her grades up again. Most teachers are clear as to what they are looking for in an essay, project, or test. Help your child outline the goals of an assignment when it is first assigned and check in with her frequently to see that she is staying on target. If extra credit is offered, sit down together to tackle the assignment.

Remember to praise your child for following through on school work, not just for earning good grades. Some children put forth good effort and still do not earn A’s. It is important to praise your child’s work ethic since this is truly a skill that will get her through life. Continued praise and positive support will help your child do her best.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Being a single parent presents the same challenges all parents face but you have two less hands to help. When you are raising a family by yourself you are the one getting lunches ready, giving baths, and driving to and from football practice. You can’t use the good cop/bad cop routine. You don’t ever get a break.  Many single parents work long hours or even work two jobs. You are faced with the financial and time constraints of a two-parent household with one income. Luckily, there are a few simple changes you can make that will help you support your child without adding stress to your already busy life.

Create a “home base”
For your “home base” you will need a calendar, a basket for incoming schoolwork, a spot for backpacks, and space to write. Your home base can be a corner of your kitchen, a side table in your living room, or an office. Announce this spot to your children as the hub of your home and remind them to use it as such. Use a different color pencil for each child’s activities to keep your children’s schedules straight. Encourage your children to keep track of their own activities. Designate a basket where your children can put notices that you need to see and forms you need to sign. Keeping all the forms in one place ensures you don’t miss important information. Keep pencils and pens next to the basket so you can fill out forms immediately and put them right back into your child’s backpack. Your time is valuable, and having a home base keeps you from wasting time searching all over the house for forms, notices, and assignments that need to get sent to school.

Ask for help…and return the favor
Don’t be afraid to ask a neighbor or friend for help. Most moms know that no matter what the circumstance, being a parent requires lots of juggling. Asking a neighbor to drive your child to school in the morning is fine, but be sure to return the favor and drive the kids to the school dance over the weekend. Remember- a simple thank you goes a long way. A bouquet of flowers, a gift card for a coffee shop, or a batch of cookies are inexpensive ways to show you appreciate the support you get and it has not gone unnoticed. A handwritten note to say thanks for the help does the trick, too.

Communicate with the teacher
Let her know what days or times are best for you to meet or to speak on the phone. Give her a time frame in which you intend to return her calls or notes. If you know you work late and don’t always get to her notes right away, let her know she can expect to hear from you within 48 hours. If you have a day off during the week, ask for her consideration when scheduling meetings. Being clear about communication with your child’s school leads to consistent and open interactions.

Prioritize
You can’t be in three places at once so choose the meetings, school events, and games that mean the most to you and your children. Include your children in the process by letting them choose an event they want you to attend. Be honest with your children about why you can’t be at all their events but don’t dwell on it. Refrain from constantly reminding them that you are the only parent helping out- they know this and you should vent to your friends, not your children. When they get home ask specific questions about what happened in the big game or the school play. If you want to volunteer at your child’s school but can’t be there all the time, ask if you can help stuff envelopes or make phone calls and do some of the behind-the-scenes work for events.

Remember that you are one person taking on a huge job and can only do your best each day. Pat yourself on the back for maintaining your children’s safety and security.  Give yourself credit for taking care of all the day-to-day responsibilities by yourself. Enjoy the time you get to spend with your children and stay positive- your children will model your attitude and you can be a happy and productive family together.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Children certainly need some rest and relaxation, but summer is a great time to work with your child without the pressure of his or her busy, school-year schedule. Often, parents express a lack of confidence when it comes to their own math skills and in turn, are hesitant to work with their child in this area. These simple tips will help you strengthen your child’s math skills now and throughout the school year.

Early Childhood
*Make math fun! Sorting, counting, and categorizing toys are all simple and fun ways to expose your child to math at an early age. When playing with blocks, identify and sort different colors and shapes. When coloring, ask your child to pass you different numbers of crayons. Find math in every day activities and show your young child how much fun math can be!

*Keep a calendar. Exposing your child to time concepts by utilizing a calendar will support him throughout his life. Identify the days of the week and teach your child to label yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Mark a special event on the calendar and count down the days as it drawers near. Specify when events are happening in relation to his daily routine. For example, “We will go to Grandma’s house after lunch.” Keeping a calendar not only exposes your child to time concepts but helps create structure.

Elementary School
*Check out your local teacher supply store. There are many pre-made materials that you can use at home, such as board games, flash cards, and other manipulatives. Playing a game such as Multiplication Bingo once a week will help your child maintain her multiplication facts in a unique way. Most of these materials are categorized by age so you will easily match the materials with your child’s needs. If you are looking for an inexpensive way to have access to materials teachers use, scan the  store for ideas and see if you can make some of these materials at home. Index cards and markers are an inexpensive alternative to store-bought flashcards.

*Give your child an allowance. Managing money is a math skill your child should learn early. He should learn to save money, become familiar with the cost of items, and make decisions about purchases. After making a purchase, he can count the change and make sure he got the correct amount back. Helping your child become comfortable with money is a skill that will last a life time and make a clear impact on his success as an adult.

Middle School
*Leave your child a to-do list. Word problems are a source of weakness for many children so having your child attend to written language will sharpen her attention to detail and order of directions. Make your lists fun, and even a little silly, by giving directions like “Make your bed. Jump up and down three times. Put your shoes in the closet.” As always, bringing humor into learning will make the experience more enjoyable.

*Review tests and quizzes together. Not all teachers have children correct their errors but you can use this opportunity to look at where the errors occurred and help your child learn from his mistakes. Mistakes, as we all know, are invaluable opportunities for learning.

High School
*Host study sessions. Teenagers often crave independence and establishing their own homework routines is one common source of conflict between them and their parents. Inviting your child’s classmates over for a study session creates a fun way to ensure your child is getting her homework done. It also provides an opportunity for students to “tutor” each other: if one child is unsure of how to solve a problem, another student can explain it. Provide healthy snacks and a good work space and check in on the work session periodically.

*Put your teen to work! Encourage him or her to get a part-time job. Many jobs, such as working in a grocery sore, retail store, or movie theater, offer real life experience with math skills such as making change, monitoring inventory, and discounting sale items. Children this age often begin to ask “When am I going to use this skill in real life?” Applying these skills from an early age is motivating and reinforces that classroom work can be beneficial outside of the classroom.

Another great way to incorporate math skills for children of any age is to get in the kitchen and start cooking! Reading a recipe, measuring ingredients, and timing the completion of your creation are all math skills in action. Your child will be so proud of her work she won’t even realize you just taught a math lesson!

The most important factor for helping your child is to get over your own fear of math. Remember that making mistakes is part of learning and showing your child how to work through a problem is also an essential skill. If you are stuck, consult the textbook, your child’s notes, or contact the teacher and ask for help. Teachers will appreciate you asking for help!

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

For many parents across the country, this fall will be their first time sending a child to school. Early childhood education has evolved, and educators and researchers are looking at this first introduction to formalized education as a crucial time for students.

There is more direct instruction in math, reading and writing, with schools utilizing a detailed curriculum to address skills. Story time now accompanies formal reading instruction. In some schools, play time may now even accompany formal social skills lessons. Although September seems far away, now is the time to start preparing your child for his or her first school experience.

Here are some simple and fun ways to get your child ready for preschool and kindergarten:

Preschool

Reading
Read to your child every day. Exposing your child to a variety of age-appropriate books will foster a natural love of reading and curiosity about words. Don’t worry about teaching phonics or decoding skills — the ABC song will suffice for now. Children will often ask what a word or sentence says. Feel free to tell him, but do not press him to repeat or try to sound out words. Keep in mind that at this age your child should have a natural excitement about words and should not feel he is being “tested’ when enjoying a good book!  

Teach your child to recognize her name. You can make a special sign for her bedroom door or write her name in the cover of her books. Learning names and common words (such as store names) is a first step in recognizing and pronouncing letters and sounds.

Math
Count objects while playing with your child. Use his blocks, books, or other toys and model one-to-one correspondence. Counting “one, two, three blocks!” naturally introduces this important math skill to your child.

Expose your child to basic shapes. When reading or watching a TV show, point out circles, squares, or triangles. Many TV shows targeting the preschool-age child highlight these shapes as well as rectangles, hearts, and diamonds. It is very easy to find these shapes in the environment and you can create a scavenger hunt with your child to locate these common shapes in the environment.

Social Skills
Schedule play dates or spend time playing at the park. Sharing, turn-taking, and waiting are all skills your child will need to enjoy a positive social experience in preschool and may be practiced when engaging with peers.

Develop a daily schedule and stick with it. Keep in mind your soon-to-be preschooler likely needs 10-12 hours of sleep a night, so get him to bed on time at night. Wake him in the morning, have breakfast, and get dressed even if you are not planning to leave the house right away. These morning activities are clear ways to signify the start of the day for your child.

Check with your child’s preschool in regards to its rules on potty training Many schools require children to be potty-trained before starting in September. If your child is not yet fully trained, you have plenty of time this summer to work on it!

Kindergarten

Reading
Help your child practice writing his name, especially if he has shown an interest in it. Have him write the first letter then you can write the other letters. You can also write his name first then have him trace it. Keep in mind constant practice or repetitions may discourage your child and frustrate him, ultimately delaying his acquisition of this skill. Make it fun and only practice if your child shows interest.

Point out words that start with the letter of her first name. Although she may not be aware of it, she knows the sound that letter makes and it will be easier for her to associate items with a sound she already knows. Say “Grace, do you want grapes for snack? Grapes sounds like Grace!” See if your child can think of another word that starts with the same sound. If she has trouble, provide an example so she does not get discouraged and the game continues to be fun!

Math
Ask your child to retrieve various quantities of items for you. Have him help you set the table for dinner and ask “Please get four napkins.” This is a fun and easy way to practice counting, a skill that will be targeted throughout Kindergarten.

Model sorting items for your child then ask her to practice. While playing, say “I’m putting all the cows over here and the pigs over here.” Then ask your child to put all the chickens together, and so on. Grouping or sorting is an important pre-math skill for your child to attain.

Social Skills
Maintain a schedule. If your child just finished preschool, he is likely used to a routine that involves getting up in the morning and getting ready for school. Maintain a similar schedule this summer so back-to-school time doesn’t involve early morning chaos!

Give your child orally-presented directions. For example, tell your child “Get the blue block and give it to Daddy.” Having your child follow one and two step directions prepares her to process language as well as comply with known instructions, skills necessary for kindergarten.

When playing with peers or siblings, ensure your child is taking turns with toys and games. Your child could be in a class of 20 children come September and will have to take turns with materials and toys every day. Preparing him to wait will make it easier for him in his class in the fall.

The most important thing you can do to prepare your child for school is to make learning a fun and natural family activity. Drills and repetitious practice of skills at this age may develop stress and fear of school in your child. Introducing simple math, reading, and social skills to your child will get him started on the path to success!

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Everyone can remember their first day at a new school; the nerves that undoubtedly built as you entered a strange building, stared at a sea of unfamiliar faces, and struggled to establish new friendships. Your child will surely face these same fears as she enters her new school, but fortunately there are things you can do to ease her stress and facilitate a smooth transition.

There are many reasons for a change in schools. Some parents are unhappy with their child’s placement and seek a new experience more in sync with his needs. Some simply graduate and move on to the next school in their district. With job losses still climbing in the U.S., some families are relocating to a new city for job opportunities and a fresh start.

While it’s best to transfer schools at the start of a new academic year, when everyone else is learning the new routines as well, some moves cannot be avoided and must take place mid-year. If the change is scheduled for the fall, you can still start preparing your child now. These tips will help you whenever the move is scheduled.

• Be clear about why your child is changing schools. Ensure her that she did nothing wrong and that the move is meant to bring her more positive experiences. Give her warning about when the change will take place. Marking it on the calendar gives a clear visual for the timeline of the transition.
• Fill out all necessary paperwork in a timely fashion. Being called down to the office is an embarrassing moment for a child and keeping these distractions to a minimum will help him focus on his work. Completing health forms are especially important because many schools mandate all medical forms be complete in order to participate in any physical activity. Your child could be isolated and unable to participate in gym class, causing more stress.
• Contact the Parent-Teacher Association (PTA). Become an active member and use this opportunity to network with other parents. This gives you a chance to get to know the families you will be spending time with and will lessen your apprehension when your child asks for a playdate at a new friend’s house. It also shows you are excited to join the school’s community.
• Visit the school while it is in session and also at least once in the summer. Your child will have the chance to meet teachers, students, and other staff when they are present. Visiting in the summer gives your child time to “wander” around and learn her way without the stress of a crowd.
• Write a story together. Make your child the main character and have him generate ideas for the plot. Pose the question: “What type of things do you think might happen on the first day at your new school?” You can discuss situations that may cause anxiety and the appropriate way to handle them. This type of role-playing prepares your child for new interactions and gives him a script to fall back on. Always end the story on a positive note, for example, “James was so happy to meet children who like basketball, just like him!”
• Make sure your child has closure at her old school. Have a going-away party with her friends to celebrate the big move. Give her an address book so she can write down her friends’ contact information and have the option of keeping in touch once the move has happened.

As always, keep an open line of communication between you and your child as the transition begins. Ask questions like “Tell me your favorite thing about your new school” or “What is one thing you miss about your old school?” Talking about the change helps your child make it through the transition successfully.

Also, check with the school social worker and see if they have a “buddy” system for new students. Having a buddy show them around the first few days helps your child feel comfortable and she won’t have to worry about having someone to sit with at lunch.

If you see your child is still having a hard time adjusting four to six weeks into the new school experience, touch base with the school guidance counselor. Establishing a connection with an adult in school gives your child a place to share his anxieties or concerns during the day. The guidance counselor may be able to facilitate some productive interactions between peers in your child’s class, as well as work with the staff in the school to support your child

Stay positive! Show your child that you are making an effort to adjust to the new school routine as well and help her see this is an exciting journey for the whole family!

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

During the 1960s, psychologist Stanley Milgram set out to study how obedient human beings can be to authority.  Three months after the start of the trial of Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann in Jerusalem, he set up an experiment designed to determine whether ordinary people could be coaxed to inflict suffering on innocent people simply because they were ordered to do so. 

In the now-famous Milgram experiment, volunteers were told by an “experimentor” that they were participating in a study about learning.  Each individual believed he or she was the “teacher,” administering electric shocks to another volunteer in a separate room each time that person failed to answer a question correctly about word pairs.  In one version of the study, the “learners” mentioned having heart conditions. 

As the learner made more and more mistakes, the shocks were increased.  If the teacher hesitated, the experimentor stated that the experiment had to continue.

In fact, only the “teachers” giving the shocks were being studied.  The learners were researchers, too.  No real electric shocks were being administered, though the learners — who were good actors —screamed as the teachers really dialed up the electricity.

Heart conditions or not, about two-thirds of the study volunteers continued to deliver electric shocks to their students, even when they were told to deliver the maximum 450 volts — enough to cause permanent injury or even death.

Milgram had proven that average individuals presented with rules and an authority figure to enforce them (the experimentor), would hurt other innocent people they had never met.

Now, some 45 years later, psychology professor Jerry Burger at Santa Clara University has confirmed Milgram’s findings.  In a modified version of the Milgram experiment (with somewhat lower voltages, but plenty of “learner” suffering), volunteers remained willing to torture their students for wrong answers, as long as they were consistently told to do so by an “experimentor.”  In fact, about 70 percent of the volunteers were willing to keep delivering shocks until the highest voltage level was reached (this time, 150 volts).

The Burger experiment has caused a stir in the psychology research community because of concerns that volunteers were not informed that the experiment was a “sham.”  Although the Burger team tried to screen out those who might be incapacitated by guilt after participating, or who might become depressed, there’s really no way to know if they might be harmed by the experience of “hurting” another person so badly.

That ethical debate is likely to rage on for some time.  But the data isn’t being challenged:  Most human beings are willing to inflict terrible pain on innocent people they have never met when an authority figure consistently tells them to do so.  What does that say about us?  What does it predict about the potential for genocides and other calamities in the future?

I believe it tells us one very important thing about our view of decency and morality.  Our notion that there are evil people and good people among us is too simplistic.  A majority of us can lose our moral bearings and do the bidding of evil by ceding our own personal autonomy to that of someone who instructs us, with authority, to harm our fellow man.  This fault line between good and evil cuts through the hearts of the majority of us, not a rare and select group. 

This explains much about the behavior of street gangs and terrorist cells and cults and nations with strongmen with their sights set on the destruction of others.  When a group — even a whole country — is in the grip of a charismatic leader giving consistent and forceful instructions on what must be done, the population is likely to get in line and do it.  It doesn’t make every citizen of the nation the devil.  It doesn’t necessarily mean the country is filled with people who are, at heart, morally different than we are.  But it does mean that they can be passive instruments of untold suffering.

In this world, at this time, in our species, the field of psychology tells us it will depend on those with a clear vision and a strong voice and absolute resolve to protect the rights of others and oppose the forces of destructiveness sure to gather in the coming years.  Our safety and security and capacity for goodness all require strong leaders to stand firm for the very best in us, and stand even firmer against the worst in any of us.