Dear Yvonne,
My partner is very active in local gay and lesbian advocacy groups, and it makes me uncomfortable since I’m trying to keep my sexual orientation on the down-low for various reasons. How can I deal with my feelings without trying to force my lover to give up his activities?
—Cain

Dear Cain,
This is something you need to work out on your own. Your partner shouldn’t be forced to give up any activities, and shouldn’t be made to feel responsible for your feelings — which include decisions you have already made for yourself because of your own comfort level.

To get to a better place emotionally, seek out holistic activities that allow you to get in touch with yourself, like yoga and meditation. Pursue outlets to express yourself and get to the heart of matter — maybe try writing in a journal. If necessary, consider talking to a counselor about why you’re having problems coming out, and what you can do to get to a better, more accepting place. This discomfort is your problem, and one only you can address with yourself.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear  Yvonne,
Occasionally, my lover and I will have an entire hour or two for sex. We don’t feel like making love, though, we feel as if we’re on ‘autopilot.’ How can we keep things spicy and stay connected without feeling robotic or just going through the moves?
- Jude

Dear Jude,
What I’d recommend is taking a couples’ yoga class together as a form of foreplay. This provides a different way of becoming intimate and getting to know your partner’s body. Adjusting each other’s bodies, getting pressed together at times, and seeing each other in a new light, while helping your bodies to unwind and feel good, can heighten the desire to make love.  Exercise is often considered an aphrodisiac.

If this can’t happen in an hour, you can practice your own yoga moves at home as a warm up to greater (spiritual) union. Such an interaction also helps to expand the idea of what sex is about and helps to make it an entire body experience instead of one with a “going through the moves” genital-focus. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”