Dear Yvonne,
My partner refers to me as his roommate in front of coworkers that don’t know he is gay. It bothers me. So how do I handle it?
-Unsigned

Dear Unsigned,
The next time this happens don’t address the situation until you have a chance to be alone with your partner and express how you feel. You don’t want to embarrass your lover for his insensitivity, no matter how well deserved. That will only compound your problem and make your partner more defensive than anything.

In addressing the issue in private, own your statement - meaning use “I” statements, like “I feel” or “I think”, as you’re not wrong in expressing yourself and won’t seem as attacking. Unless being gay puts his job at risk, your partner should be able to introduce you as his partner. You have every right to be bothered by that. And you may have to make a tough decision as far as if you can stay in a closeted relationship, should he choose not to come out. One way to compromise his issues with being out is to leave things more open, for example, “This is Jack” - without adding insult to injury with a label like ‘roommate.’

People these days are pretty savvy in putting together the pieces – and most don’t care. If a person inquires about the relationship exactly, however, then you can respond with an honest response.

 Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Hi Dr. Yvonne,
I’m about to meet my girlfriend’s closest friends over Thanksgiving. I want to make a good impression. Any tips for a nervous guy?
-Brent

Dear Brent,
First and foremost, dote on her. The more attention you can lavish on her, the more she’ll be the envy of her friends – but in a good way. Since so many guys have trouble being ‘lovey’ in public, any time a guy gets affectionate (and I’m not talking about groping), it wins women over.

Furthermore, the more interest you show in them, and this means even little things, like buying a couple rounds of drinks or picking up the dinner tab or getting the hostess flowers for her fete, the more they’ll be impressed. More than anything, be yourself and let your genuine affections for your girlfriend shine through. Nothing makes women feel more confident about their girlfriends’ romantic relationships than knowing that she has a good guy who is putting her on a pedestal.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
How important is foreplay for women? Is it something that’s overblown because women, like my lady, want more attention from their guy?
-Unsigned

Dear Unsigned,
How important is foreplay? How high is the sky!?  Foreplay is VERY important for both sexes, but often emphasized among women due to the physiological fact that orgasmic response tends to function on a slower course for gals than guys. Plus, given that the brain is our most powerful sex organ, using a blend of flirtation and suggestion to prep a lady makes an excellent foundation for one’s foreplay efforts. Women can help their partners by thinking sexy thoughts in advance of sensual liaisons to “warm the engine,” especially in instances where heated, lusty quickie sex is indicated. A woman whose body and mind have not been adequately prepped for penetration and release can wind up dry, sore both inside and out, bitter and resentful. 

Honoring a female’s sexual response is vital to a healthy and fulfilling sex life!  That said, there are times when women can go 0-60 in seconds from some titillating material (read: high octane foreplay). This will vary greatly from woman to woman, just as with men, and is worth taking the time to communicate about fantasy and hot topics so you will have adequate tools in your arsenal to turn her on. Lastly, don’t forget to communicate effectively to understand what feels good, what sounds good, and what tastes good to your lady friend, as this will go a long way to a satisfied coupling and your success in the sac.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My guy wants to have anal sex. Is it safe?
- Tatiana

Dear Tatiana,
Unprotected anal sex is a high-risk sexual behavior, especially when it comes to HIV transmission. Using a latex condom lowers your risk for acquiring HIV or other sexually transmitted infections during anal intercourse. Furthermore, the experience can be enhanced and made even safer with a water-based lubricant which is specifically for anal intercourse. For an easier and safer anal sex experience, make sure that the condom-covered penis is well lubricated. Then, just try to relax during penetration, as your partner takes care not to tear the delicate lining of your rectum.  

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Dr. Yvonne,
I am having an issue – basically a foot fetish - where I have a desire to give a sexy lady a foot rub and suck her toe in a building urge to do oral on her. Unfortunately, my wife’s feet sometimes smell and they’re in rough shape, for example, she has calluses. I love my wife with all my heart and soul and do not want to ruin our marriage - nor do I know how to tell her of both my issues -  and hers.
 - Horace

Dear Horace,
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and enjoyable sex life. As such, be it via letter, counselor or face-to-face, it’s time you let your wife in on your secret fetish for feet. Perhaps she is simply unaware that you have an interest, thus she doesn’t dote on her feet as she should. Chances are that if you reveal your secret yearnings as you did in this letter, your wife might treat herself to a pedicure. Better yet, you should treat her to one.

Other ways of taking care of the foot issues… incorporate a footbath as part of foreplay. Take to the shower or bath before you play footsie. Basically, use any mean you can to clean her up before indulging. She’s likely to love this type of worship. Alternatively, you could come clean in telling her she needs to clean up a little bit. It’s hard to deliver this kind of tip without offending, but if you can frame it as better for her ultimate pleasuring and good, she may listen. Let her know that you want her and long to be more intimate with her, but that you’ve noticed this smell. While she may be upset, many people would rather know they have an issue than be in the dark about it.

The fabric of marriage and adult relationships is honesty and exposure. Fear is a natural part of revealing and becoming vulnerable, and a necessary component of intimacy, which we all know enhances sexual and sensual enjoyment for both sexes. Give your wife a chance, and set your foot fetish free!

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear  Yvonne,

I have a question regarding an “issue” and I want to know if you can give me some advice. I am having trouble staying fully erect after I put a condom on. What are the reasons this keeps happening? I have tried different types of condoms and it still hasn’t worked.
                    - Jeb

Dear Jeb,
Many men have found themselves in your shoes. And while condoms can significantly reduce tactile stimulation, they’re often not the sole problem at hand. This reaction is usually a symptom of one. An erection can topple for physical reasons, for example, a change in rhythm and stimulation being ceased, to more psychological/emotional ones, like a male’s fear, guilt, stress, or anxiety over staying hard. The quality of the relationship and the couple’s experience together can also play into a man staying hard since comfortability is key in putting on a good show.

In solving your dilemma, first, raise the requirement for more friction-focused pleasure and make sure that your partner is still touching you and trying to turn you on with touches and kisses as the condom is going on. This could be especially effective as your lover actually puts the condom on you, for example, orally. Furthermore, flesh on flesh makes for a more ready stimulus, so take care to utilize the non-exposed hot zones to heighten your sensual pleasure.

Second, while you’ve experimented with different types of condoms, try using different sizes. A condom that is too small, for example, can result in blood flow issues and some discomfort, so be sure to use a size appropriate rubber on your member. 

Third, practice condom use while masturbating, as this can help you to feel more confident when you’re in the actual situation. Lastly, don’t be afraid to step away from having sex itself and simply reconnecting with your partner. Taking the focus off of sex can help you to feel more relaxed, taking pressure off of any need to stay up. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
How can a guy tell if he’s just crushing on a well-performing co-worker versus really liking her because the other company at work is pretty lousy?
-Allen

Dear Allen, 
What makes this a tough issue is that a man has to sort through if he really likes the woman or if he really likes that she’s his co-worker. When she performs well in the workplace, it can only make him wonder how she’ll perform in the sack. And if she’s dependable, good at what she does, and great company, a man will naturally have some affection for her. Most of us like people with such qualities. Furthermore, as we get to know somebody and find out that we have a lot in common, we tend to like them more - and when you share the same workplace, you share a lot of the same experiences, which further fosters bonding.

Many people find their mate through work because it involves access to others and requires spending a great deal of time together – basically plenty of opportunity. In keeping himself in check, a man has to evaluate if he’s daydreaming about a co-worker on his own free time (versus simply looking forward to seeing her as he’s en route to the office), if he’s making excuses to work with her, for example wanting to stay late to get a project done, or simply spending time with her because she’s his favorite co-worker. One thing he can ask himself is how he’s reacting to women outside of the workplace. If he finds others more interesting, then it’s likely that he’s not crushing on his co-worker as much as he thinks. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,

How do you know if you’ve been slipped a date rape drug?
-KC

Dear KC,
Rohypnol, a brand name of flunitrazepam manufactured by Hoffman-La Roche Pharmaceuticals, is a central nervous system depressant generally in the form of white tablets. It is also known as “roofies,” “roche,” “rope,” “rib,” “La Roche,” “ruffies,” “Mexican valium,” “Mind Eraser,” “Party Poppers,” and “rophies.”  It is odorless, tasteless, and ten times stronger than valium. 

The drug causes muscle relaxation and slows psychomotor responses and reportedly enhances the high produced by low-quality heroin, mellows the high of cocaine, and eases a user down from a crack or cocaine binge.  When taken with alcohol, it causes disinhibition and amnesia, and hence is also known as “the date rape drug” since it is sometimes used to seduce a victim into a sexual assault scenario. 

 Among the drug’s immediate effects:
- blackouts                                 
- sense of aggressiveness
- amnesia                                                          
- disinhibition                              
- nausea
- sense of fearlessness           
- dizziness                                 
- disorientation
- drowsiness                              
- decrease in psychomotor performance
- muscle relaxation                     
- nightmares
- tremors

Withdrawal symptoms include:
- headache                                 
- muscle pain
- irritability                                 
-  hallucinations   
- anxiety                                     
-  convulsions/seizures
- tension                                     
-  restlessness
- confusion

 Although it is illegal in the U.S. and Canada, Rohypnol is prescribed in more than 60 other countries to treat severe sleep disorders, to sedate patients before surgery, and to treat serious psychiatric disorders. It is an attractive drug to users because it can be inexpensive to buy, with prices ranging from .50 to $8 per tablet. Some young adults who use Rohypnol with alcohol claim that it intensifies their “buzzes.” If used over an extended period of time, a person may become psychologically and/or physiologically dependent upon it.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

   Dear Dr. Yvonne,
What are the risks to having sex in a swimming pool, if any?
Marissa

Dear Marissa,
While seemingly carefree, it’s important to note that pool sex makes for riskier sex.  Pregnancy can happen any time semen is spilled in the vagina or near the vulva, so a condom should be used. Yet, note that water can wash away spermicide and seep between the condom and penis, causing slippage.

Other factors to be aware of: Chemicals, salt, and bacteria in the water can be forced into the rectum or vagina during sex, possibly causing irritation, infection and temporary dryness. 

Oil-based products, as well as chlorine, cause condoms to deteriorate.  
 
Lovers should also be wary of rough pool edges that can cause discomfort and scratching, and stay out of the water if they’ve had too much to drink.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Dr. Fulbright,
Is there any biological reason why women are so attracted to man’s sense of humor? Many of the girls I know say they enjoy being with guys who can make them laugh. I am just wondering why humor is so appealing to women.
Albert

Dear Albert,
Actually, research has found that both men and women want romantic partners with a sense of humor. An analysis of personal ads in papers showed a sense of humor is among the top two desirable qualities (understanding being the other). People are attracted to individuals who make them feel good – and being around somebody who is funny or witty invites that energy in. 

This is likely in part because laughter is like a natural drug, tickling our brain’s reward center. Research, published in Neuron, has actually linked the reward system of the brain to humor. And when it comes to dating and loving, humor is an effective coping mechanism, making the experience much easier in providing stress relief.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”