Dear Dr. Fulbright,
How can I break out of the “Good girls don’t do that” trap and realize that if you never push your boundaries, you’ll keep having the same old sex forever?
— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Most people grow up with a lot of negative messages about sex, for example, they’re told whom to have sex with and under what circumstances. Anything outside of that recipe can be scary, guilt-ridden and wrong. At the same time, it’s titillating because we’re suddenly “bad” if we deviate.

When it comes to sex, the “good girl” versus “bad girl” labels are just that — societal labels. They’re just a negative way of capturing different degrees of one’s willingness to experiment sexually or push the sexual relations envelope. What works for one isn’t going to work for another, and what’s pleasurable for one is going to be a turn off for the next.

So it’s important to realize that we’re all sexually unique and into different things, and it is such a disservice to yourself (and your relationship) to not be at least somewhat open-minded to trying different things or find out what’s best for you. It’s perfectly healthy for people to test their boundaries with different types of sex play and adventures – and to discover what is most sexually gratifying for them. What other people put on you, like the “good girl” message, is a mere reflection of their own issues, attitudes, and discomforts with sexuality. It is not your burden to bear.

Realize, too, that avoiding the sexual rut helps people to experience new sensations, new forms of pleasure, and helps them to maintain monogamy.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Economic studies show that since 1965, Americans have gained, not lost, leisure time—anywhere from 5 to 10 hours per week. So the excuse of not having enough time for sex isn’t really valid. Is there a way any of us can get in the mood, even when you have no motivation?
—No Name

Dear No Name,
One of the best ways to have more sex is to actually have sex. This is because sex boosts testosterone in the body, which revs up our sex drive. People have lots of excuses, many which are quite valid, for not having sex, among them: Childrearing obligations, stress, time, fatigue, etc … But at the end of the day, these excuses get abused.

People need to make lovemaking as much of a priority as anything else in their lives. They also have to be mindful of not taking their lover for granted. We need to continually woo and entice our lovers, especially in keeping things hot, desirable, and fueled. Passion can be maintained throughout a romance, no matter how little time you have. But people need to understand that this takes work.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Are men more interested in sex than women?
—Manny

Dear Manny,
Though this is the general thought, it’s not the general rule, as many women would contest. The idea that men have a stronger sex drive and more sexual interest than women is largely due to society traditionally having been more permission-giving with the male libido and pursuits. The true difference lies in when the sexes are interested in sex.

A woman’s sex drive is related to her menstrual cycle. For many women, it’s heightened during ovulation whereas for others it’s the week she’s menstruating. For males, his sex drive varies more daily versus monthly, and is dependent upon testosterone levels. A male’s testosterone levels tend to be highest in the morning.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Are green M&M’s an aphrodisiac?

— J.P.

Dear J.P.,
The only way green M&M’s will turn you on is if you truly believe that they will. Your mind is your biggest sex organ, so you have the power to make anything in this universe a turn on, including candy.

 With chocolate in general, research has found that consumption doesn’t create an arousal response. The sweet candy can, however, put you in the mood to invite such more readily. This is due to key ingredients which awaken you, boost endorphin production for a high, and that act as a natural amphetamine and antidepressant.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear  Yvonne,
As a sophomore in college, I have a serious crush for the first time and I’m not sure if I like or dislike the sensations. What’s happening to me?
— Kaylie

Dear Kaylie,
As you become more infatuated with somebody, a lot of your time and energy goes to focusing on that individual and all of the events – or anything else – associated with that person. A person with a serious crush can seem almost obsessive with what’s called “intrusive thinking” – can’t get you out of my head. Some will feel awkward and nervous around a crush (with physical reactions to boot, for example, your heartbeat picks up), which isn’t always seen as a good thing. Away from a beloved or in processing a negative signal, you can feel depressed, full of despair or even listless. You may even experience “separation anxiety.” Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that one can’t really control these emotions unless they cut themselves off from the source entirely.

At the same time, if your crush experience is turning out to be positive, and your love object is returning your affections, all of the above will become addictive like a drug. So many would say that these things aren’t necessarily bad. Many thrive off of these roller coaster reactions. Either way, know that what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal!

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What happens to make you get a hickey?
-Julia

Dear Julia,
When a lover sucks or bites on an area of your body, the bruise that forms is called a hickey.  This is caused by blood vessels breaking under the skin.  The size and color of a hickey is determined by how long and how strongly your partner feasted on you. 

 
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Is it possible to have your period while pregnant?
—Liz

Dear Liz,
It is not possible for a woman to have an actual period while pregnant. She may, however, experience vaginal bleeding. It is not uncommon for women to experience some spotting and light staining during the first couple months of pregnancy. If you’re pregnant or suspect you may be, and are experiencing bleeding, consult with your health care practitioner immediately. If you have any reason to suspect that you’re pregnant, take a test!

 
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My wife wants to get a little “kinky” in the bedroom, citing that we’re a bit “vanilla” compared to what’s out there. I don’t see anything wrong with what we’ve been doing, but was wondering what you think.
—Nolan

Dear Nolan,
While many people find comfort in seeing themselves as “vanilla,” pushing the envelope on occasion can do them a world of good, revitalizing their sex life and opening the door to new sensations and pleasures.

By challenging their sense of eroticism, especially in a trusting relationship, many people are delightfully surprised with their physical and emotional response to a new adventure. And if it isn’t their cup of tea, then there’s still a sense of accomplishment that they were willing to put themselves out there. By keeping passion alive and nurturing a monogamous, long-term relationship, most sex researchers will agree that what is considered novel can make or break a sexual relationship. So changing things up on occasion can only help you.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,

I would like to ask my boyfriend to perform more oral sex on me, especially since he likes it when I give it to him. Should I guide him down there or talk to him about it first?

-Clarissa

Dear Clarissa,

Encouraging your boyfriend to kiss you below your navel is one way to clue him into some action farther south. As he works his way down your abs, gently push his head closer to your pelvic area. Allow your breathing and moaning to become faster and more intense. Getting more excited shows him that you’re getting more aroused.

Back up plan: Suggest little kisses on your upper thighs or even on your bum as well. If he doesn’t eventually take a hint and hit the bull’s eye, you can broach cunnilingus by asking him general questions like, “Does it turn you on to think about going down on me?” With questions like this, you’re not making a request, but are feeling him out on the matter. If he has a problem with it, use this as an opportunity to find out what sexual behaviors he is and isn’t comfortable with and why. You can let him know what turns you on and off as well, including that you’re into oral sex. Don’t be shy in letting your desires be known – most guys think it’s hot! Furthermore, if he’s into fellatio, but won’t reciprocate the favor, don’t be afraid to make issue out of it. After all, fair is fair…

 Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My partner refers to me as his roommate in front of coworkers that don’t know he is gay. It bothers me. So how do I handle it?
-Unsigned

Dear Unsigned,
The next time this happens don’t address the situation until you have a chance to be alone with your partner and express how you feel. You don’t want to embarrass your lover for his insensitivity, no matter how well deserved. That will only compound your problem and make your partner more defensive than anything.

In addressing the issue in private, own your statement - meaning use “I” statements, like “I feel” or “I think”, as you’re not wrong in expressing yourself and won’t seem as attacking. Unless being gay puts his job at risk, your partner should be able to introduce you as his partner. You have every right to be bothered by that. And you may have to make a tough decision as far as if you can stay in a closeted relationship, should he choose not to come out. One way to compromise his issues with being out is to leave things more open, for example, “This is Jack” – without adding insult to injury with a label like ‘roommate.’

People these days are pretty savvy in putting together the pieces – and most don’t care. If a person inquires about the relationship exactly, however, then you can respond with an honest response.

 Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”